Marital honesty – heartwarming conversation

E: “What do you think of me wearing makeup then?”
T: “It’s.. it’s different.”
E: “Different like ‘Never do that again’ or ‘I’ll get used to it?’ different?”
T: “Just.. different. I get that you do it for the camera but honey, you don’t need it.”
E: “No?”
T: “No, you’re pretty just the way you are. You don’t need a face full of makeup.”
E: “Aww.. thanks love. I promise this won’t be an every-stream thing. Besides, it takes forever to get ready with this.. I don’t know how anyone wearing makeup everyday get anything done.”

He smiles at me and return to his computer. Later in the evening when I had washed off all the makeup he turned to me coming into the living room, beamed a huge smile and exclaimed: “There’s the woman I fell in love with! Welcome home honey!”

My sweet boi ❤

I’m sleepy but got hold of a digital artist!

I hadn’t planned on it, but I slept in for a few hours today and ended up sleeping for a little more then 12 hours. Only 6-7 months or so ago I used to sleep for this amount of hours every night. But nowadays, like I wrote about in an earlier post, I try to limit my sleep to a maximum of 9 hours per night. It has worked pretty fine, of course I’m still tired some days and social interactions still drains a lot of energy from me, but it’s working good enough. Often I manage to stay awake for the whole day and get to bed reasonably early. But sometimes my sleeping pattern just runs off with me, I’m a night owl and once I pass 22.00 (10 pm) I usually can stay up most of the night if I want to. But enough about that. I’m up and awake and I’m feeling reasonably well, kept for a little headache that I hope will go away once the morning sleepiness disperse.

I finally got hold of a digital artist that actually replied and also accepted my commission. I didn’t think it would be that hard to get hold of one, in my mind it was the buyers market, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. With all the new affiliates on Twitch (me included) most digital artists found their inbox overflowing with messages from enthusiastic people wanting emotes and whatnot. Neither of the first five I sent a message to gave an answer at all, which left me wondering if I should try to contact more artists or simply wait another week.

But what if several accepted at the same time? How would I determine who was to get the job then? I thought a little about it and decided on “first come first serve”. Even if I hadn’t sent out a request to all of them at the same time, it seemed most fair that the first one to answer was the one who landed it. An answer was missing from all of the ones I contacted last week so I looked up more artists yesterday and sent out a new request. A few hours went by and I got a positive response. She accepted and told me she’s working on another customers commission but as soon as she’s done with that, she’ll start on mine.

Gallery

15th August 2017 in pictures

I’m tired but don’t know exactly why

I’m tired, so very tired. When I thought about it, and later went over it with T, I couldn’t tell if it was because of the hours I’ve added to my schedule or if it was tiredness caused by something else or both. Probably the latter though. I’ve been on many social gatherings lately and I haven’t been able to sleep the usual 14 to 16 hours after each gathering like my body have required the past two years.

Not sleeping 14 to 16 hours is something good though. I think 8 to 9 hours is justified at this point, I’m still in the depression but since I started streaming I’ve slowly been getting better. My anxiety isn’t as bad, I don’t need as much medication as I did back in 2015 when my mind crashed completely. But still, days like these are hard to go through. Feeling like everything is against you and not being able to take control over your own mind and body? It’s both hard and frustrating.

Luckily I have T. He might not always understand everything that’s moving around in my mind and what feelings I’m experiencing, but he do what he can to make these days easier on me. He has his own issues and cooking is something he downright refuses to do, but he takes me out to whatever restaurant or fast food place that my heart desires, no objections at all. He usually hugs me more as well as he knows the feeling of his arms tightly wrapped around me, and the smell of him and his hair, is something that soothes my otherwise jagged mind.

I also try make sure I get time to recharge my batteries when I have days/weeks/months like these. I try to do small things for myself like taking a walk, color in any of my coloring books, spoil myself with luxurious face masks or something like that. Today I felt like putting on a hair mask as my hair still is very damaged from all the bleaching and dyeing I’ve been doing lately. I have a special treatment series that’s supposed to help rebuild the hair’s structure (Maria Nila Repair) and it has worked very well for me. I wash my hair with the shampoo, put in the mask and leave there (underneath a plastic cap so the warmth stay around) for about an hour. Once the time is up I rinse and finish it all off with a little conditioner. And slowly my hair is regaining strength. I don’t loose as much any longer but whatever is still stuck to my head is still brittle and damaged.

My return to the makeup

When I was a teen I used quite a lot of makeup and hair products. But once I met T, who always thought natural without makeup was the more beautiful choice, I gradually stopped using makeup all together. I still had a mascara, eyeliner and eye shadow in case I wanted to put on something, but I never used them. I used mascara and eyeliner everyday for about 4 months in 2012 when I worked as a junior executive at a private health care company. My eyes did not like that though and I got a nasty eye infection that took several rounds of antibiotic treatments. I tossed both the mascara and the eyeliner in the trash the day I quit the company.

Then, in 2015 I got some idea in my head that I wanted to start wearing makeup again. But I was put off because it was just so much new things to take in and I didn’t know even half of all the terms that was used. BeautyBlender? Primer? Baked eye shadow? I went full nope on that and just went with my traditional mascara and eyeliner. And the craze didn’t last long.

But! I’ve been following Jeffree Star’s YouTube channel for quite some time now. I don’t know how I found his channel but I watched a few videos and I was hooked. In the beginning it felt kinda like a guilty pleasure, but watching his videos makes me happy so to hell with all the rest. He does a lot of makeup reviews and tutorials, which was perfect for someone who felt completely out of the loop. I felt kind of secure in the fact that it was a guy who did all this.

So, recently I picked up the eye shadows, the primer, the translucent powder and whatnot and started practising. I’m fairly happy with how my face makeup turns out with the foundation and powder, but the eyes are hard for me. I used to do a really heavy panda emo thing as a teen, but I just can’t pull that off any longer. From 2012 I know my eyes are sensitive and that I shouldn’t apply eye makeup more then once a day and that I must let the eyes rest in between. But it would be fun to learn how to put different kinds of  makeup and experiment with the colors a bit.

I know this is a substitute for dying my hair as I have stopped using hair dye completely. My face is the new canvas. But makeup have a few advantages over hair dye. First it’s easy removable. If I don’t like what I have created I can just wash it off and try again tomorrow. Second, you can’t really feel your hair being strained or over treated, it’s much easier to know when enough is enough if you have sensitive skin and I’m hoping this means I can let my skin rest when I feel it being strained. I hope this is a good way to get my creative needs sated without destroying my hair.

New window installed

We got our new window less then an hour ago. Usually I’m kinda anxious to have people come into my home, even when they’re invited, but this time the glazier was long awaited. He was an elderly man, study built, white hair, stubbly chin, small spectacles on his nose and didn’t look like he had taken a sick-day in his whole life. I don’t know, something about him made me feel relaxed, like a father or grandfather figure. I let my guard down as he made a small joke about the broken window. And the laugh I gave wasn’t a forced one, it was genuine. He promised me he would be back around noon at the very latest and just as he said, at 11.45 he returned with the now repaired window.

I had been cleaning all morning, making sure the door to the bedroom was closed at all times so the cats wouldn’t get any crazy ideas. But since I only had the living room left to vacuum I took a break to wait for the glazier to return with the window as I didn’t want to cut the cats off from their regular hiding spot with the window missing. The cats usually likes to hide under the bed when I’m vacuuming and I always start in the bedroom so they have somewhere to flee to once I move into the hall and living room. But since we had no window in the bedroom I had to take all the other rooms first as the cats were hiding in the living room instead. So I sat down, thinking I’d take a little break.. it can’t be that bad, can it? It could. Now I really don’t feel like finishing, even if it’s only to vacuum the last room. Not even my reward for cleaning (something sweet like candy, ice cream or a pastry) seems to be able to get me off my ass.

Digital artist wanted for Twitch emote and profile picture

Hi there!

I was recently made a Twitch affiliate and I’m therefore looking to commission a digital artist for my first emote. I’m also looking for someone who can draw a profile picture.

  • Custom emote: I’m looking for one emote as of now, but I will be interested in more once I’m allowed to have more on my channel. I’m going with a overall bat theme and want my emotes to star baby fruit bats. I also want to go with a cup theme (see ref. pics) so I’d like to see the bat in the cup with maybe a wing wrapped around the cup or for the cup to have some writing on it like “Hai!”, “RIP”, “WTF?” and so on.
  • Profile picture: I’d like to be drawn in a bat hoodie dress that features ears and wings. I would like to see a bat in my arms, on the shoulder or otherwise around me. I like chibi style for face and body but isn’t set on it. If you’re more comfortable with another style, let me know and we’ll work something out.
  • Referral pictures:

 

About me: I have been streaming for about 5 months now and my aim is to do this for a living. I mostly stream Diablo and Stardew Valley type of games but in my core I’m a variety streamer and range from high-end games to pixelated stuff.

Please contact me on any of these platforms if you are interested in taking it: Facebook (@StreamerAchi3ve), Twitch (twitch.tv/achi3ve), Twitter (@StreamerAchi3ve), blog (achi3ve.blog) or mail (streamerachi3ve@gmail.com). I will want to know how much you charge and how long you think it’ll take for you to finish.

Sincerely,
Eve “Achi3ve” S.