Yesterday was great, like I wrote in my last post. I went to bed reeling over how much fun I have had and amazed over the low levels of anxiety even after the stream. I’m still happy today but the anxiety have caught up with me and I’m pondering if I should stream today or not. Like I’ve mentioned earlier, I tend to go in with 300% from the beginning, not being able to pace myself and therefore ending up exhausted. Usually this exhaustion shows through me either loosing interest or getting too anxiety-ridden to be able to return to whatever it was I was doing. It have happened with several things and people and it’s something I’ve been forced to learn how to handle.
I really don’t want to exhaust myself on this, but I’m also afraid that if I don’t force myself to take days off, I will. It’s silly to worry, really, I know that. But at the same time I really want to keep this up. It’s much easier to get people to watch during weekends then during weekdays. During last weekend was when I first hit double digit and I think that if I keep doing this I’ll eventually build my follower base to be able to live on this (sooner rather then later, since I got so many new followers last night).
Reading through what I’ve written so far makes me feel like I should just delete it and start over, I don’t like how unsure I sound in most of what I’ve written. But I think it’s good, mainly for myself, to have my doubts on record. That way if something feels strange or weird I’ll be able to go back and read what my thoughts were at this point. In Sweden teachers often write “LÅT STÅ!” on the black board for things they don’t want erased. The best translation that I could come up with is “DON’T ERASE!” so I’m gonna name this post just that.