Because of my high levels of anxiety I often have problems with sudden changes as it feels like I’m loosing control over the situation. If I’m prepared that there might be a change in the plans that have been made, I can cope with it whatever the outcome. But if I don’t anticipate the change the results might be devastating and if I’m lucky I only loose a few hours trying to get a grip on myself, if I’m unlucky it can destroy a whole day. Take these past few days for an example.
T is practising a certain branch of martial arts for about 7 years and these past 3 days they’ve been on a kind of seminar, where the sole focus is getting as much practise as possible (for personal development) while they have one of their big shot Sifu’s on visit. The days have been arranged so they have personal time, 1 on 1 or smaller groups max 4 people, with their Sifu during mornings and early afternoons and bigger, group training during the evening. As they have flown their Sifu here to train with them specifically they want to make the most of the time they have with him and the schedule is packed. But because I knew that T wouldn’t be available for me, I could prepare myself and cope with not seeing him more then an half an hour early morning and late at night.
But then there was a sudden change today that I couldn’t handle as well as I wanted. T had requested more time with his Sifu if possible, but since the Sifu’s schedule was packed he was told it wasn’t possible. It went back and forth a few times but was settled on him not getting more time. Then, out of the blue today, he got a message telling him that he could come right that minute. Of course he wanted to go and I told him he should. I truly meant it, but it was hard on me, having it going back and forth like that so many times, with a last minute change which thwarted my own plans for the day.
But T caught my reaction/mood and hugged me tightly before he left, apologizing for things going bonkers these past days as he knows how it messes up everything for me. I told him it was fine and kissed him good bye. I support him in this, I really do and I wish I could do better then this. For now I’ll just prepare like I’ve done the past few days so I’m ready when he comes home. I have a plethora of things on hand so I can help him recover from the intense and long days of exercise. I got everything from recovery drinks to pies to cooling balm for his soar muscles. And in that way I’m happy that I can help him.