The need for change myself and the surroundings

At times I grow tired of my looks and wish to do something drastic about it (let’s be frank though, most of us do). But I know I will end up a week later, longing for however I looked before I began changing whatever got in the way this time. But the need to change something are near impossible to resist in the moment. During periods of this kind of itching I’ve done everything from something small like putting highlights in my hair to dying it in the brightest most eye-piercing color I can manage to get hold of. Going for piercings and tattoos haven’t been uncommon either. I’ve had my ears, eyebrow, lip, tongue and nose pierced (some of them several times) through the years.

Now, hair dye and piercings are simple enough to have reverted if I’m unsatisfied with the result, but tattoos are a completely different thing. Being a young adult I wanted to rebel against my parents so as soon as I could, I started putting tattoos on my body. Luckily there wasn’t anything really embarrassing or bad and I ever only regretted one of them (which I’ve written at length about here). When an need to change something occurs nowadays I’m mostly content with buying a pack of hair color that you wash out a little for each time you shower or let my hair dresser trim and style it. That way it doesn’t matter if I dyed it pitch black or bright blue, it’ll wash out sooner or later. And I’ve told my hair dresser not to cut my hair too much (since I want it to let it grow long again) but she does enough to make it feel “new”.

I think it’s this state of mind that makes it so hard for me to know if I’m gonna like whatever I’ve chosen in a month or even a week, regardless if it’s for my looks or something else. The ones who saw the blog in it’s beginning surely noticed I changed the style almost everyday the first two weeks until I had to force myself to stop. I’ve also been playing around with graphics and overlays for my Twitch channel but have been hesitant to actually pay for anything at all until I know for sure that I’ve decided for real.

Yesterday though, I paid for a 3-month trial on XSplit (my streaming broadcaster) since I really liked it from the very beginning. I’ve been thinking about getting the lifetime license (it’s 65% off the rest of the year) but it feels bonkers to pay that much before I’ve thoroughly tested the software and all it’s features that gets unlocked with a paid license. If I find out that I don’t like XSplit for whatever reason after the 3 months, I’ve only spent 130 SEK (14.95$) instead of almost 1800 SEK (199$).

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