The past week has been a strange one. It started on Tuesday when the Necromancer pack for Diablo 3 was released. Tuesday was cleaning day so that took most of the day (and energy) but I also stayed up late that night (to ~3.45 pm) to be a part of the initial rush for the new content and hopefully gain a new follower or two. Normally I would have slept in the following morning, but I had an appointment for another laser treatment on my tattoo so I had to get up at a certain time to make it which resulted in me only getting ~3 hours of sleep. I thought to myself that I would take a nap once I got home to make up for some of it. But I got a new kind of treatment, one I’ve never got before so I was not prepared on just how painful it would be and just how affected I would be.
Instead of using a laser that goes deep into the skin to release the ink particles the technician used a laser that burns off the top layers of the skin to force the body to produce new skin so you get rid of the ink residue in the upper layers of the skin (which basically is the only place is still have ink left). The treated area is to be compared to second degree burn, according to the technician who administrated the procedure. The adrenaline rush I had after the treatment made me wide wake and sleeping was impossible. Once the adrenaline had settled though, the pain had risen something bad and I was unable to get any kind of rest because of it.
I didn’t stay up the night between Wednesday and Thursday but I still needed to get up early to go the laboratory to take additional blood samples. Only today I got to sleep in, sleeping without an alarm I got 13 hours, resulting in me finally starting to feeling like myself again. The pain have somewhat subsided as my body have produced a eschar over the tattoo. The skin is still highly irritated and strained, but as the technician predicted, come the weekend I would be left with this feeling of skin tightness and little to none pain. I mostly feel pain when turning my head really sharply to any side, but by now I’ve learned to turn my whole upper body instead of just the head.
I have been going around with this strange feeling of surrealism the past days, like I always do when I’m breaking my sleeping routine. I kind of remember what I’ve done and said, but it’s like I’ve been operating drunk with that thick feeling of not really hearing or thinking clearly. It’ll probably take a few more days until I really feel like myself again, but at least I’m slowly getting there.
I stayed up late last night to stream the new Necromancer pack that was released. T couldn’t sleep so we played together to 3.15 am. The pack wasn’t released until 11.30 pm since they had connected the release of the pack to the patch. I must have gone into some overdrive of some kind because I was really tired earlier but when I got home, I couldn’t fall asleep like I had planned to.
Hours and hours later I’m still awake. My brain is quite mushy but beside that, I feel fine. This worries me to some extent of course. I don’t like to mess with my sleeping pattern but when there’s a need I will. Usually though the body sends a clear message and promptly makes me so sleepy I can’t keep my eyelids up even if I glued them open.
I was hoping to make the last 5 followers as an early player with this new content in Diablo 3, but since Monday it has been completely dry. I guess there’s no rush to be honest, but I tend to get a little bit impatient at times wanting things to happen preferably yesterday.
I’m taking solid steps toward my first goal of 50 followers on Twitch. During the stream today I got 5 new followers, totaling at 41 followers at the end of the stream. I feel I’m getting more comfortable with larger groups of watchers and even if I do prepare for every stream, I don’t feel the nervousness and anxiety that I felt in the beginning. I also don’t feel like a complete wreck when someone is talking to me and my use of English comes more naturally by now (but I take no responsibility for my accent 😛 ). I’ve even been told that my voice is “cute”. I chose to see that as a compliment as they keep coming back for most of my streams.
I’ve found a lot of interesting people all over the world and gotten a few new friends along the way. It’s kind of amazing when you think about what playing a game really have led to. But it’s never been “just for fun” like many write in their bios. I’ve always had a thought that I wanted to build and pursue a career with this and eventually be able to live off my biggest interest.
Anyhow, tomorrow I’ll be going to the local IKEA store with a friend to buy a green sheet (among other things). My new and fancy camera are awesome in many ways but the drivers that are supposed to remove my background doesn’t work since Windows 10 did the creators update. Me and everyone else who have cameras with this feature are therefore waiting for new drivers. But the camera can still remove a color specifically so that’s the solution I will be going with until they solve the issue.
Drama is something I’ve had enough of to last a lifetime during my childhood. My mother was very manipulative in her ways and was an expert on making you feel bad for basically everything, even if you hadn’t done anything wrong. At best, living with someone like this, you get a rocky situation. Always staying on your toes in case the carpet is snatched from underneath your feet is not a environment that breed trust and growth. I learned from my mother though and during my teens I used the same war tactics on her as she used on me. I did this to other people as well but soon learned that this was not a healthy way to get friends. Meeting T was the biggest push I ever got to stop behaving like my mother. He made me realize there doesn’t have to be any drama.
But last night, during the barbecue party, I was reminded of my childhood in so many ways. There were so much drama flying around. There were a couple in particular that was fighting that made me remember my mother’s volatile relations. But I was just a spectator to this, never a participant and I withdrew as silently I could. I did not want to be a part of this. There were also a more personal thing that made me quite sad but I’ve been thinking it through during the day and decided that I’m gonna leave it be. It’s just not worth the hassle.
When walking home with T last night I was flooded with the feeling of gratitude for having someone like him with his calmness, logic and reason. It was probably because I was pretty drunk and that what I had seen during the evening had dragged up some old feelings of a much younger me. Sure, me and T have had our fights, every couple does, but we have never made a spectacle like that. We’ve always solved our issues eventually and even from the start of our relationship we respected the other enough not to drag our dirty laundry out in the public eye.
Sitting here, writing this is kinda strange too. I have anxiety that stems from yesterday, but everything is fine in my little corner of the world. All these things have nothing to do with me. I’m not expected to do or solve anything. I can just carry on with my life. I will try and do that, but I’ll also try and remember this train of thoughts and feelings.
The name change is done. So far it feels good and I’m happy with how it came out. I ended up going with AchiEve (Achi3ve) but I was also considering ThiEve (Th1Eve). After talking it through with T though, he made a strong case as to why I should go with Achi3ve instead. The main reason is that achieve have a more positive connotation for people then thieve. Thieve was a cool name in my mind, but it’s hard to convey a positive feeling about thieve’s when it’s mostly connected to something negative (like being robbed).
Before coming to a decision I was very worried (hence the hesitation) that I wouldn’t like the name I was going to end up going with. Mostly because I have taken a few decisions lately that I regretted almost instantly. I did a drastic thing with my hair, dying it in a really bright red, that ended up sending me into waves of panic every time I saw myself in the mirror. With a little luck though, I will have been able to undo that particular craziness. This kind of behaviour, sadly, isn’t all that unusual for me. Taking a series of rash decisions and having the outcome cause me severe anxiety is something I hate, but during the last years it have at least become less frequent as I actively work with my own behaviour to stomp out shit like this.
Now that I have done the last rinse (it’s taken time to write this..) the color still isn’t completely gone. I need to decide on trying once more on my already strained hair or go around with a bright pink scalp. That or wear a cap for a month.. which isn’t really a problem hadn’t it been a family gathering tomorrow and hats, no matter how grand they are, are to be taken off when gathering around the table. I’m also a enough of a weirdo in this family constellation with everything that has happened plus my streaming career, I don’t need a bright pink scalp to top it off. I really need to stop doing this to myself
But, like I’ve mentioned before, tomorrow is midsummer’s eve. As per tradition we will be going to my mother-in-law to celebrate with the family during the day and the celebration continues with friends and barbecue in the evening. At my mother-in-law’s we always eat the traditional foods like pickled herring, new potatoes, chives and sour cream. I’m not particularly fond of the pickled herring but I’ve learned to eat it. We usually have pickled herring among the Christmas foods as well but I only force myself to eat it this time of ear. I learned to eat it when I started celebrating holidays with T’s family and then only because I didn’t want to be a burden on my mother-in-law since she’s the one doing all the grocery shopping and cooking. But at the friends later on we do a huge barbecue with lots of side dishes, salads and whatnot. While also drinking and talking the night away. It’s a nice time for all of us to gather and socialize since weather you work a regular 9 to 5 job or are occupied with things (like me) you usually make sure you have this evening off.
I did not intend to change the style of my blog just yet but by accident I pressed the “save & publish” button when playing around with the theme customizer. Oh well, I had decided to go with this theme anyway since it got all the individual things right. I still can’t control some of the elements on the blog, which is highly annoying, but at least I feel comfortable with this design. I hope you will too.
But this change is not completely taken out of the blue. I have been thinking about the name change and thought it would be fitting to change the blog theme at the same time as I take my new nickname on Twitch. I have boiled it down to two possible names and are in a bit of agony over which one I’ll end up choosing.
To get the name I’d like I will need to rely on leet speak (where you switch some letters for numbers). I’m fine with that though, what I’m worrying over is that my audience won’t get it. But my name, Eve, is baked into both choices so I think it’ll be a smooth change since what my audience used to call me won’t be affected.
To buy alcohol in Sweden you go to a special store called Systembolaget. They hold the monopoly on alcoholic beverages in Sweden and are regulated by the state. This has a long story behind it but basically Sweden went through this development because around the beginning of 1800’s the Swedish population was drinking itself to an early death and a movement of anti-alcoholism grew. This, in the long run, culminated in the state taking control over the market, heavily tax alcohol and establish Systembolaget (the history section on Wikipedia gives a fair depiction of the events that let up to this).
The monopoly thing is something that often surprises many tourists since it’s somewhat unique with a store that only sells alcohol in the manner done at Systembolaget and that there’s no liquor or hard alcohol in the grocery stores. You can find some beers and ciders with a low % of alcohol in them, but for it to be allowed to be sold in grocery stores in needs to be less then 2,25%. In reverse though, when I went on my first holiday to Cyprus and found beer in every corner store and street vendor I was seriously surprised as well.
Now, I seldom buy from Systembolaget or drink much alcohol in general. I’m not against alcohol and not a teetotaler, but I get uncomfortable when people loose control over themselves because of alcohol. This, of course, is connected to growing up with an alcoholic mother. I’m also okay with T and others drinking around me even if I choose not to most of the times. Over the years I’ve learned that not everyone who drinks is a drunk and that being drunk doesn’t automatically means you wake up in the gutter remembering nothing.
But, this week in particular thousands upon thousands of Swedes will make their visit to Systembolaget to buy alcohol for the upcoming holiday, midsummer’s eve (this Friday, 23/6). Midsummer is one of two times a year that I regularily consume alcohol. As always, I planned ahead. I hate having to cram myself into a already overcrowded store, getting shoved and pushed around. Going there today was maybe perhaps a bit too early, but on the other hand, there were only a few other customers in there, the shelves was fully stocked and I didn’t have to stand in line for 45 minutes becoming sweaty and irritated while being forced to listen to wailing children.
Swede’s relation to midsummer’s eve is stuff for another post, but in general it’s a time for families during the day and parties during the night.
If you are interested there’s another article on Wikipedia that covers alcohol beverages in Sweden.