I’m tired, so very tired. When I thought about it, and later went over it with T, I couldn’t tell if it was because of the hours I’ve added to my schedule or if it was tiredness caused by something else or both. Probably the latter though. I’ve been on many social gatherings lately and I haven’t been able to sleep the usual 14 to 16 hours after each gathering like my body have required the past two years.
Not sleeping 14 to 16 hours is something good though. I think 8 to 9 hours is justified at this point, I’m still in the depression but since I started streaming I’ve slowly been getting better. My anxiety isn’t as bad, I don’t need as much medication as I did back in 2015 when my mind crashed completely. But still, days like these are hard to go through. Feeling like everything is against you and not being able to take control over your own mind and body? It’s both hard and frustrating.
Luckily I have T. He might not always understand everything that’s moving around in my mind and what feelings I’m experiencing, but he do what he can to make these days easier on me. He has his own issues and cooking is something he downright refuses to do, but he takes me out to whatever restaurant or fast food place that my heart desires, no objections at all. He usually hugs me more as well as he knows the feeling of his arms tightly wrapped around me, and the smell of him and his hair, is something that soothes my otherwise jagged mind.
I also try make sure I get time to recharge my batteries when I have days/weeks/months like these. I try to do small things for myself like taking a walk, color in any of my coloring books, spoil myself with luxurious face masks or something like that. Today I felt like putting on a hair mask as my hair still is very damaged from all the bleaching and dyeing I’ve been doing lately. I have a special treatment series that’s supposed to help rebuild the hair’s structure (Maria Nila Repair) and it has worked very well for me. I wash my hair with the shampoo, put in the mask and leave there (underneath a plastic cap so the warmth stay around) for about an hour. Once the time is up I rinse and finish it all off with a little conditioner. And slowly my hair is regaining strength. I don’t loose as much any longer but whatever is still stuck to my head is still brittle and damaged.