It’s been a weird couple of days and my mind have been wandering off to strange places. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to keep the last blog post or not, seeing as it is kind of jumbled and all over the place. I’m sorry if it’s strange but since I was in a certain mood when I wrote it, I’m gonna keep it. It’s a part of who I am and those who know me behind the screen have seen this side of me too.
It all started with the episode the 19th of August and it sent me down a strange roller coaster of emotions which all came tumbling down on me a few days ago. I have been worrying (ever since I started) that I don’t measure up as an entertainer and are constantly worrying over the smallest (and probably dumbest) things. The childish tone of my voice, my inability to constantly talk and my looks have been a few elements among the many things I’ve been considering and obsessing about.
But my worrisome state of mind was kind of released yesterday when I picked T up from work. I was anxious as always and decided to pick him up from work and not from the commuter train as I usually do. We went to a local hamburger chain and afterwards we went to a large tool store since T wanted an assortment box to store all his dices in. While looking for the boxes we passed some really huge tools, some as tall as me (I’m 163 cm/5’3 foot, he’s 189 cm/6’2 foot) and some so heavy I could hardly even pick it up.
And T.. T did what he does best. Make me laugh. Not that forced, polite laugh but the real deal, the one that makes your stomach hurt and leave you gasping for air in the end. It was really just a bunch of nonsense like him lifting the biggest bolt cutter while giving me the smallest one saying it was the same thing regarding size and proportion. He then started stomping down the isle all while making chomping sounds as he walked in sync with his bolt cutter, searching for the assortment boxes. In the middle of the isle he turned around and waved for me to do the same thing, but with my tiny bolt cutter and I just lost it. So there we were, silly walking, roaring with laughter over a pair of bolt cutters.
It didn’t magically fix everything, but it sure made it easier to get out of bed today. My sweet love ❤ 😀