My mood are shifting quickly now. I felt truly hopeless yesterday, had a heavy headache that didn’t really want to leave me alone and no matter how much I rested or drank coffee it felt like I could sleep for ages. I put the alarm on 10 hours to give myself a chance to sleep even if I shouldn’t need that many hours. But instead I woke up an hour early and I felt rested. I’ve been productive most of the day as well. I streamed for four hours and have spent most of the evening planning and plotting for my first table top RPG-session (more on that here) tomorrow. But in periods it’s like this. It’s called rapid cycling. When it’s at it’s worst I can cycle in between the moods once per day. Usually I’m tired and slow in the morning and energetic and super productive during the evening/night.
But other then that I’m excited for tomorrow. I’ve read so much, planned even more and have so many ideas that I don’t know how to tie together. I’m quite worried I won’t cut it, that they will think my ideas suck and that I won’t be able to navigate the rule books when I need to look something up. But T (my husband) assures me that this is normal, everyone’s worried for the first time. Even really experienced GM’s. And I suppose it’s a bit like when you get up on stage and do a speech or hold a lecture. It doesn’t really matter if you’ve done it hundreds of times, you still feel that whisper of nervousness at the back of your head. I will just have to tell myself that it will be fine and once I get to know my players I can do even better should I not do my best performance tomorrow.
I really should be getting to bed. They will be here at midday. But if I just write a little more.. plan for another fight.. specify a few more random encounters.. I’ll still be up when they get here and then I’ll fall a sleep before we get to play 😴😆