Around and around we go

I’m tired, so very tired. I knew this would come. It has been a lot. I’ve socialized with many. Still, when it happens, it’s so hard. I just want to lay down, resign from everything and go into hibernation like the bears do. Refuse to come out until we’re on the lighter side of the year. The darkness is causing some of this too, I know, but I don’t really care where it comes from. It’s just here. Dominating everything.

In reality I love the fall, I love the darkness, the colorful leaves, the cooler temperatures and that you can bundle up without melting away. The fall has always been a time for new beginnings and fresh starts, it’s probably because school always starts in September in Sweden. But when this tiredness gets hold of me none of that matters. At points, I’m so tired I just want to cry. But that’s a colossal waste of energy, I’d rather do something else with the energy it takes crying.

Other then that the fall also means it’s time for my yearly vaccination. Since I’m diabetic my immune system is kinda weak and it takes a long time for me to recover if I get infected, so I’m prompted by medical personell to get the influenza vaccine each year for both my own sake and other’s. I always used to be sick each winter before I found out about my diabetes, but I have only been infected once since I began with vaccines. But it passed much quicker then it usually do, that one time I did get sick.

In my calendar I’m starting to have popups that it’s been a year since I did my  last fundus photography (an evil procedure where you get drops that widens the pupil and then they take flash photos with the lens practically in your eye) and colonoscopy so I guess it’s time to start tracking if they are sending me a letter with an appointment or not. The healthcare system are great in Sweden, but sometimes they miss out on calling in time and for these procedures, especially the last, it’s very important that I get to do them on time. The fundus thing are pretty much what it is. It’s uncomfortable but quickly over with. For the colonoscopy I need to prepare much more, it’s also more taxing on my well being having to think about it as much as I have to.

One positive with being this excruciatingly tired though? I have no energy left over to be either angry or anxious. I don’t really know which one I prefer to be honest..


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