Radio silence

It’s been a weird couple of days. It’s been hard to write as I’ve had my feelings up in my throat for almost all hours of the day. You’d think I would be used to this as I always have feelings, high or low. But let me tell you a little about my past days.

The meeting with the landlord was less scary then I had anticipated. He had brought a writing board, the kind that you see around inspections and surveys, but he made a small joke about it so I relaxed almost instantly. Truth be told, it felt as if he was on my side against the corporation that employs him.. that if he could choose he wouldn’t have us pay for the damage to the wallpapers. He did the inspection and the only room he thought had too much of damage was the bedroom. Which is logical if you think about it, the cats spend most of their time in our bedroom. But he also added that they might not require us to pay for it since we had been such exemplary tenants. We have never gotten an complaint against us and we have never been late with the rent for ten years straight. Who knew being a computer nerd who never parties would gain you favors with your landlord 🤔😆

The very same day I learned that my aunt might have gotten another round of the big C. She had breast cancer two years ago and on her last checkup they found another lump beneath the surgical scars from the first round of cancer. They have taken some tests and sent it to the lab, but it will take a few days until the results are in. She will also be called to do another mammography within a week, or so we’re told. I cried the whole afternoon after I’ve learnt of my aunt. Most of the fear was of course for my aunt’s sake, I love her dearly and she’s been such a strong role model throughout my life that the thought of loosing her scares me much more then I’ve realized. A small part of it was also fear for myself. To see her struggle, to take part in her battle, is like looking in the mirror. I have at least an 85% risk (the minimum heightened risk for Lynch Syndrome patients) of having to go through this myself. Her struggle has become something more then that for me, it’s my struggle too. The survival of all my relatives, dad, my uncles and my aunt are so very important to me.

The last thing that have had me on my toes are something I’ve chosen to not write about yet. But it did cause me to cry a lot as well. I felt extremely silly for reacting that way, but after a while I could put words on my reaction and move past the initial stages of chock and sadness. But not to worry, it’s about hair so no earth shattering revelations or anything like that. When I’m ready to think about it without starting the waterworks, I’ll get more into detail.

Other then that I’ve also made some progress with my Twitch streams. I think I’ve found “my people” on the site and I very much love being a part of this community. I’ve always been extremely resistent to the grinding in games. I don’t mind repetitive tasks, I even like it. When grinding something in a game, or real life for that matter, I get a chance to do something with my hands while my mind is free to wander. It’s something that’s relaxing for me to do and thus I also do well in games that have this element. The community I’ve found are a bunch of people who are just like me in this regard. It’s not a big thing really, but it still makes me smile when I think about it.

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