Don’t put words in my mouth

Something I’ve witnessed the past year or so is an attitude that gets me wondering what people are really thinking with. It’s no secret me and T have decided against having children, biological or adopted. We have our reasons but the long and short of it is basically that neither of us have ever wanted that kind of life.

Now, this isn’t something that have always been set in stone, it took until I needed to make a choice regarding trying for a kid before the hysterectomy or not. I’ve seriously pondered this question for many, many years but I always came to the same conclusion. No. Just, No. But for a long time it was: “Not until I can be sure that I can provide for a person who will be completely depended on me for it’s survival”. So we kept pushing the question/decision in front of us year after year and since we were so young when we met, there were still time to figure things out. For some this meant that we would most definitely have children, for others the opposite. We’ve had all kinds of people predicting every possibly outcome but this have only annoyed us.

I was extremely nervous/anxious about all this when bringing it up with T in december 2014, after the gynaecologist appointment. He was as much of a part of this decision as I were, but what if he wanted something else? Could I go through a pregnancy and raise a child for his sake? Would he leave me when he found out that I didn’t want children of my own? Thinking back on my early life, I’ve never seen myself with a big family like so many others have described. Of course this didn’t mean anything, I could have if I wanted to. But that was just it, I have never wanted it.

As it turned out, T had also been thinking along the same lines. He had come to the conclusion that he could live with getting a child if that was something I really wanted, but in reality he didn’t want children of his own either. When we talked it over I was so relieved that I actually began crying out of sheer relief when we came to our decision.

But no matter how much I don’t want children of my own, I can still be happy for your sake. I’ve had several friends nervously approaching me with the happy news that they are expecting, almost to the point were they don’t even want to talk to me directly about it, and seriously believing that I would stop being friends with them.

I mean sure, I’ll admit it, I downright dislike children if truth be told and I have not exactly hid it. I will not scream with joy or faint once you reveal it. But if I know you and your partner have been trying for a little one, I will be happy for you regardless of my own opinions. Heck, I’ll be happy for you anyway, if you show me a sonogram and beam a huge smile at me I know this is something you wanted and I’ll share your happiness. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t happy for you when your dreams and wishes come true?

To some more sceptic friends I’ve had to put it into contrast with this comparison: Have you ever wanted to stream? No? Did you feel happy for me when I became a Twitch affiliate and was all over the place? Yes? See, you can be happy for me even if our dreams and goals aren’t the same. This goes two ways.

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