We went to a pizzeria for dinner today. I generally dislikes pizzerias because of how the smell often are downright disgusting to me (which also is connected to my mood), but I didn’t get such a reading from myself today when T suggested it. We also went to one of my personal favourites so I thought everything would be fine.
We chose to eat there and as the food arrived I took my Metformin and swallowed it with some liquid. But when I’m in a period where I have issues with swallowing pills/food/liquid, as I am today, it never goes down smoothly. I’ve learned to force it down anyway but that often leaves me feeling sick to my stomach which in turn makes it very hard to eat at all.
T noticed my discomfort but he can’t really do anything about it. He did try to comfort me though and told me to eat whatever I felt was appealing, even if it just was the french fries. Sometimes the nausea goes away when I’ve begun eating so it’s always worth trying to eat in small bites, especially if the nausea was induced by my diabetes. But there was no such luck today. I forced myself to eat half of the portion anyway, until I couldn’t take it any more. I gave up in the end though and went for the veggies instead. But it is a shame, the chicken kebab sounded so tasty 😞☹️
I’m guessing parts of this is caused by the depression. For most of my adult life I have had similar issues (I wrote more about it here), but when my mood lifts a bit, so does the problems. It have been very intense these past three years, I’ve had a never ending nausea for so long by now. But I do remember having a burger some time ago, when my mood was up, and it was so good. I couldn’t remember the last time it had tasted that good, I was blown out of my mind.
But I’m very saddened that it is like this. I wish it would be better and more stable so I don’t have to force myself to anything. It’s hard enough as it is to steer clear of the sweets and candy and now more then ever do I need to mind what I’m eating, with the high cholesterol and what not. But all this makes me want to tell everything to sod off and go drown my sorrows in chocolate ice cream. But that’s not a good solution. Not at all.