CHASING THE DREAM

Getting up today was a uphill battle. The phone rang, waking me up. It was T’s grandmother, no doubt with questions about Sunday or something similar. I couldn’t make myself answer so I just stared at the phone until it fell silent. I was awake but no where near getting out of bed. For a long time I just laid on my side, staring into the wall until the cat came and sprawled herself on top of me. Eventually, I managed to get up but it still felt like I was asleep.

I usually boot up my computer and then hit the kitchen right away for some breakfast. I’m usually hungry during mornings so it’s easy for me to eat at this time of day. But today I sat down in my computer chair for some reason and got stuck there for almost a whole hour. I didn’t feel hungry and I had something on my mind that I deemed could not wait. I don’t even remember what that was..

I had to get a hold of myself since T’s grandmother had called, directly after I had eaten my breakfast I made sure to call her back. I also had a meeting with my student today. She’s so close to finalizing her work I felt forced to give myself a few mental punches to get my act together. She needs support, not some drowsy zombie.

But I’m slow. Really, really slow. My mind is sluggish and thoughts come slowly to me. Actions take far longer then they usually do, both to perform and get started on. My whole body hurts and I’m just longing to be able to get to sleep today. I’m also very saddened that the depression seem to have taken my taste buds in an iron grip, this time it has made chicken disgusting. Chicken of all things! It’s one of my go-to foods when I can’t eat red meat. I love chicken! Bah.

Hopefully I can take some me time and recharge the batteries before Christmas on Sunday*. I know socializing takes energy from me, I expected to be tired after the party this weekend. It just.. gets harder then it needs to be when I don’t have the opportunity to recover properly. Maybe I could do with a nice walk in the forest, even though snow covers most of the ground by now. Maybe I could go swimming and go to the relax area afterwards and spend some time in the sauna’s. Mmm.. it’s been a long time since I visited a sauna.

I could go on for a long long time about this, but I’ll give it a rest for now. I’ll hit the hay early tonight and see what I feel like doing tomorrow, if I feel like doing anything at all.

*Swede’s celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December.