My first polyp was found today. It was a rather small one though since it hadn’t been there last year. It was kind of flat and only somewhat visible at this stage. The doctor cut it out nonetheless and put the pieces in a small plastic jar that she sent to the lab for testing. Apparently when it’s so small they can’t tell right away if it’s benign or malignant, it has to be examined under the microscope. It’ll be one to two weeks before the verdict arrives. Regardless of the outcome, I’ll be going in for a extra checkup in about three months.
It’s very surreal to lay there and watch the screen as the doctor and their assistant nurse goes through your insides with a camera, looking for those little things. I hardly feel anything, but I get extra pain relievers and sedatives right off the bat. I’ve tried to do the examination without any help from additional drugs but it’s just unnecessarily hard and painful.
But you get this weird feeling like you very urgently need to go the bathroom throughout the whole thing. That feeling happens because they flush in both water and air to make sure they get the very best angle in every turn. At the end she “tattoo’d” the place where she had made the find so it would be easier to locate the next time they go in. I somehow doubt that many can say that they got a tattoo in that particular place 🤣😂
She told me not to worry once she was done. And I keep telling myself that this is why I do these examinations. It’s not cancer, but left alone, it might have turned into that in a decade or so. But I was still very happy to have T by my side, holding my hand as the doctor announced her find, as my imagination can someones run wild when I’m hit with something that causes a flood of anxiety.
The examination took much longer then it usually do (because of the find) so he needed to leave about 20 minutes before it was done. Usually he takes a half day off for these kinds of things so he can be with me all the way but since it came on such short notice he wasn’t able to get rid of his obligations at work. But we had thought of that so I had a plan for how to get myself home.
Once home I had the most delicious grilled sandwiches before I went back to bed. Food are so ridiculously tasty after you’ve fasted for a day. I added another 5 hours to my prior 3 hours of sleep. Waking up I almost felt like myself again.
But I still don’t know where the feeling will land. For once I didn’t have a direct emotional response to this.. and it feels very strange.
A bipolar Me without an emotional response? Who ever heard of that?