Chaos

dl-1xpgwaaehw_tSo I’ve dyed my hair so much I burned off another 6-7 centimeters. Instead of fighting this uphill battle, with my hair being totally destroyed time and time again, I went to my hair dresser and had her cut it all off. I now sport one of those really short haircuts that I’m used to having and I’ll start over again.

I am freaking out about the move. I’m over the top happy about it at the same time as I’m scared senseless. I won’t pin this hair mess to the move, this began earlier then that, but it’s a contributing factor.

I finally got my ass off my hands and got to clean out the wardrobe. I mostly have to pack the majority of stuff down now. I think I’ll attack the living room tomorrow and focus on items that we want to keep but doesn’t need to have up. That way I can sort out stuff I think we’ll need but still go over and pack whatever else is left.

I am more affected by this polyp thing then I’ve allowed myself to feel. I was telling T about my mood on Saturday after the Mage RPG-session and when I was (what I thought at least) glossing over how I felt about it all I suddenly found myself crying. It was shortly after this that the hair frenzy ensued once more.

My gut feeling is that I don’t want to post this, my mind is everywhere. This is an unorganized side of myself that I strongly dislike. I used to be the most focused, robust person and now I can’t even control my impulses. I’m so, so tired. But even through my tiredness I can’t sleep when I go to bed and I can’t sit still. I have to do something all the time.

And now I’m worried that I came off snobbishly in the group chat I have with my family. We are meeting up this summer and everyone is scouring for the cheapest living quarters and here I am, looking at four star hotels just because I can. I didn’t put it like that. But everyone was stating their flights and hotels so I mentioned that I made a reservation at the one that is most popular with my family but that I also was looking at this other hotel since T had steered me there. He isn’t coming with me on this so he thought I could splurge a little bit. But this is a very Swedish thing, I get that some of you might not understand where this is coming from. I’ll go over that another time.

Bah, to hell with it all. I’ll go to bed and make sure to get some badly needed sleep.


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