Current events (Jan 29th – Feb 8th)

It’s been an intense couple of days, so much so that I actually lost track of the days. I’ve been focusing on getting things done before anything else and so even the streams have suffered somewhat. In the beginning of last week I still felt that I could handle it all but as the days progressed I’ve just been amazed that I’m not laying on my side in a constant panic attack. Tensions and headaches have constantly been just around the corner.

Two days ago I finally got the letter in my mail about the polyp. They concluded that it indeed was a real polyp and not something else but also that it was benign, meaning that nothing needs to be done at this point. They will call me in four to six months for a follow up to see if it has grown or if something else have happened since January. But finally getting the letter sent tension cascading down in huge waves. My whole body hurt something bad at the end of the day yesterday and the headache I’ve been going around with was dangerously close to develop into a full blown migraine attack.

Our wedding anniversary was on the 2nd of February. But because T had been invited to a game night with his co-workers we chose to celebrate our anniversary on the 3rd instead. I wasn’t all that happy to begin with when he said he had plans on that particular day, we were celebrating 10 years as married and 16 years as a couple after all, but after thinking about it for a while I told him it was alright. He did suggest that he’d cancel with his co-workers though and the gesture was very much appreciated. But while this was honestly all good, I still felt weird about it since this is the third year in a row that we don’t celebrate on the day. Of course we had the most intense weather this evening. Which funnily enough corresponds very well with what weather we had on our actual wedding day which was also all about crazy snow storms and frigid temperatures.

During the past week I also went to hold my bipolar lecture. This time it was for fellow patients and their families. It felt like I was just rambling without any coherent message but I’ve done this for a few years by now so I know my material inside out. Even in a stressed state like this I managed to get what I want to say through. Most people seemed to think the lecture was excellent and even Laila, my psych nurse, said she felt I was doing great, even though she knew how exhausted and stressed out I really was. Of course Laila knows more about my state then I let on in the lectures so she could read into all the strange pauses I made when I lost what I was about say.

On Tuesday we got the official approval from the bank regarding the loan we are taking out on the apartment. While that was a huge relief and cause of joy (we had known we were approved for some time but the official thing has weight) we had enough on our hands and went into complete stressed out mode while printing half a forest worth of papers that we needed to read through and sign. Like it wasn’t enough that we needed to send the paperwork via snail mail, we also had to send it via express mail to make sure the bank got it before the end of the week. We were lacking a valid address to send it to, we only had the free postage adress that wasn’t valid for the express mail option. So I spent yesterday morning rushing around trying to get hold of the correct adress feeling like the world would break if I couldn’t get the mail off in a timely fashion. T’s usually the one who have contact with them but he didn’t have time to sit down and call them so calling them, finding the invalid adress and getting the mail off fell squarely my shoulders. I didn’t find out about the adress until I was at the post office and let me tell you, that did not help my stress level. But, eventually I got it all right and through the tracker that was placed on the letter, I also know that it have been delivered successfully this morning. Phew!

Finally we land on today, the day when the Second Hand (SH) people came to pick up our donated furniture. We donated things that we either don’t need at the new apartment or otherwise do not want any longer. Since we donated both furniture and money we got help hauling a broken dresser to the recycling center. That dresser have caused me so much worry during the past two months I can’t even begin describing it. I’ve asked around and had a backup plan should things not work out, but I thought I’d try my luck with the SH people as they have this huge truck they come with when you have things you want to donate but can’t deliver yourself. The administrative woman I spoke with on the phone was hesitant to begin with but came around quickly when I suggested I could make a contribution to their cause as well as donating the furniture. This particular SH is backed by a humanitarian aid organization, which honestly is the main reason as to why we chose to donate to them. But this morning three burly men rang the door bell and hauled everything out to their truck in less then 10 minutes. I had some anxiety but was honestly too tired at this point to spend much time obsessing over it.

I’m mostly amazed that I’m getting up in the morning while feeling like a walking dead. There’s been a few very late nights and very early mornings. While I am amazed that I manage it, I know it won’t last. I will have to regain some sleep during the coming days. That I’m somewhat sleep deprived at the moment isn’t something I’m alarmed over though. We are but 1 week and 5 days away from the move and this reaction I’m having have nothing to do with being bipolar. I will give myself some time after the move as well to settle in before I start ringing any bells about my state of being. But the line is very fine here, even if the state isn’t caused by the bipolarity I know very well that it might be accelerated by it and I need to be mindful of my general well being.


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