I’ve been told again and again that I should “be more egoistic” and think of myself more. But the more I think about it, the more I realize I have no idea what to do with that piece of advice. Am I to follow every whim I get? Should I take foot-bath’s more often? Do I need to treat myself to a chocolate muffin every Tuesday and a facial every 25th? The answer seem to be both yes and no at the same time.
I am a person who puts the need of her loved ones above everything else. I’ll drop whatever I have going on if T needs something from me and I go to ridiculous lengths to ensure that he has everything he needs. I’d like to believe it would be the same with my dad, but I have never had an emergency with him so I don’t really know how I would react. I used to drop everything for mother as well for most of my life, but as you might already know, our relationship is non-existent and I haven’t spoken with her for several years by now.
Some even say I spoil my husband rotten, caring for his needs as closely as I do. But, I do get something in return. This is not one-sided as some might seem to think. But it keeps coming back to that this egoistic thing should be something I do for my own sake. That I should pay more attention to my own needs and not put other people before my own well being.
But here’s the thing: I like caring for my loved ones. Like, I feel very pleased or happy when I’m able to help someone out or be able solve a situation regardless if it’s holding their hand in a crucial moment, walking their dog or help them with their studies. And to be honest, in some cases this is fine, when it doesn’t infringe on my own mental health. But drawing that line, when it’s alright and when it’s gone on too far, is so extremely hard for me to draw. To make it even harder it also differs from case to case and day to day.
I know it’s not about chocolate muffins or foot-bath’s. It’s a figure of speech meaning I need to focus on my own needs more then I normally do. But having grown up and being raised as someone who should focus more on other’s then myself, this is a hard lesson to learn. I keep having to relearn it and at times I’ve wondered if I will ever learn it. There are so many greedy people just waiting for the right opportunity and when you don’t know where the line is youself, it’s hard to reinforce it.
But, from time to time I do try to do stuff for my own sake and at times they are physical things. Like now, when I’ve soaked my feet in hot water and put on these extremely ridiculous exfoliating socks. I suck at being consistent with things like filing down hard skin so a long-term solution like this are some of my favorites. Later on I also plan on putting in a hair mask and one of those silly sheet masks that’s supposed to do wonder. I don’t expect any wonder, I just want the feeling of luxury that comes with these things. After that I’ll go wild and have a cheese sandwich and maybe even a yoghurt before I turn in for the night 🤣
Jokes a side. How do you learn to listen in to your own needs?