So, your curiosity was peaked and you want to learn a lil’ more about me? I’ll be glad to tell you. Shall I begin like so many others with “I was born and raised in…”? That does seem to be the most conventional way to start of a story like this since that’s where we’ll begin.
I was born and raised… (1984-1999)
…at the very northern tip of Sweden, in a small mining town called Kiruna. At a very young age my father bought the Nintendo 8-bit system and since then I’ve been hooked. My mother tried to get me interested in more girly things but I always preferred my video games. Eventually she gave up and let me have my way.
I went to school like any other kid but was constantly bullied from the first day in primary school to the last. The only respite I really got was during my last two years in secondary school, when I suddenly was interesting because of all the things I had been bullied for. But by that time, I had moved far away from my childhood city so that might have had something to do with it.
When I was around 4 (or so my mother claims) I first told her that I wanted to play video games for a living when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. She laughed at me and told me how silly this was. Years later I said it again, this time in first class. I remember my teacher, a stern looking woman with steel grey hair, firmly reproached me for saying such silly things and demanded that I pick a “real” job. She begrudgingly accepted my second answer “chocolate tester at Marabou”. The only one who didn’t laugh at me was my dad (thanks dad!), but he did look a bit worried and said I would have to work very hard to attain such a job.
I always accepted the weather we had in Kiruna, but I never liked it. Winter 8 months a year was nothing unique and I hated it with a passion. In school we were taught things that make my southern counterparts raise their eyebrows. Emergency shelter if you are stranded on the mountainside in a snowstorm? No problems, get the shovel from the snow mobile and start digging. Getting someone out from a hole in the ice? Stay calm and act quickly. And do you know why it’s good to keep a bag of cat sand in your car?* Any northerner knows, but few southerners do. I don’t have any real use of this knowledge today but it’s still kind of fun to surprise people with it.
Between child- and adulthood (2000-2006)
The first opportunity I got to flee from that snowy hell I grabbed with both hands and hung on to for dear life, as you might have guessed. At 15 years old I moved to my own place much farther south in Sweden where I attended a private school where I studied programming and computer science. I took quite a few courses in different languages such as C++, C#, Java and VB in addition to the other more general courses approaching subjects like how to build a PC, building and maintaining a website and so on. During the second year there I met my future husband and we graduated together two years later.
In between graduation and going to the university I spent around five years working as an orderly, caring for the elderly and disabled. During this time, I spent a lot of my time playing video games as a way to blow off steam before and after my shifts, secretly wishing I didn’t have to go to work and stay home playing my games instead. I’ve always played a broad spectrum of games but during this time especially I had honed in on MMORPG’s such as Anarchy Online, Star Wars Galaxies, Everquest 2 and World of Warcraft.
Got married (2007-2008)
A rainy October day in 2007 T proposed to me. It was nothing grand or something like that, simple but heartfelt, and I said yes right off the bat. We decided on a smaller wedding and out of the church, neither of us are religious so it didn’t feel right. We had a civil wedding ceremony the 2nd of February 2008 at his family home, only attended by our parents and the very closest friends. We did have a huge party afterwards for all of our friends though so we didn’t skip on everything that’s traditional.
University and a billion temp jobs (2008-2014)
After almost five years in the health care sector my back was close to giving up completely. At 23 years old I went around with constant back pain and I decided that enough was enough, handed in my resignation and applied to the local University. I spent 4 years there the first time around and came out with a bachelor’s degree in behavioural science and social psychology and minors in law and computer science. I had a hard time finding a job though, I jumped from one temp job to the other, so I decided to re-apply to the University, thinking I would focus on the computer sciences more so I had a bigger chance to get a job in that sector.
The hysterectomy and Lynch Syndrome (2015-2017)
But my stay at the University the second time around only lasted four months. In December 2014 my gynaecologist found “something strange” in my ovaries. Since I’m a carrier of the Lynch Syndrome-gene this was cause for concern. Six months after the “strange things” was discovered I went in for a hysterectomy (a complete removal of the uterus and ovaries). The lab that later looked at the removed parts once they were out of my body confirmed that what the gynaecologist had found was indeed several small tumours.
Even if I never was in any real danger of developing full blown cancer (I go on regular screenings because of this gene) my reaction was still one of wild, anxiety ridden panic and crippling depression. It’s been a very strange journey since then, all this sent me down a path I’ve never walked before. T and I are childfree by choice, so that part has never caused me any sorrow but it did make me seriously consider what I want to do with my life. Ever since the operation I’ve been trying to figure things out, but without any real success.
Present day (2016 and forward)
One day, sometime in late 2016, I starting thinking about streaming. I play a lot of games, always have, but only for my own sake as a way to relax. This is something I really love doing, but being laughed at all my life for that dream I hesitated for a very long time before bringing it up with T. I’ve never told him about the episodes with my mother or my class but since he clearly noticed that I was uncomfortable when talking about it I just told him. To my great surprise his eyes lit up with excitement when I mentioned what I wanted to try streaming and he encouraged me to follow my dream.
He, like my dad, did not laugh at me nor tell me how silly this dream was. Being the patient and understanding person he is, he listened carefully to my story, helped me sort out my thoughts and supported me in my endeavours to learn everything I needed to do my first stream. The 10th of April 2017 was the first time I went on the air. I was a nervous wreck but I streamed for an hour or so and since then things have just kept on rolling.
In the months since I started this only one person has kind of laughed at me (but not to my face, it was a conversation T had). Many have been surprised that you might be able to live off such a thing but the majority have been nothing but supporting. My friends who came in from far and wide and followed me are absolutely the reason why I hit 50 followers so quickly and could be made an affiliate of Twitch within the first months. And even though I have a hard time due to my depression and anxiety attacks I’m still in the game. I learn a little bit for each stream I make and it does feels like this is something I can see myself doing for a long time.
So, here’s to the future, I hope to see you around!